For the last few months my mood swings have been out of control. I have been feeling heartbroken, angry, sad, envious, and unworthy.
I started becoming jealous and envious towards my friends who were succeeding and getting job opportunities. I was focusing on why everyone was doing “better” than me and hating myself for it. I was so emotionally exhausted that I became physically tired and not sleeping well at night. Finally, I decided that it was necessary to do a 10 day body, mind and soul cleanse. Here is a description of mine.
Body: Nourish the body with delicious & healthy food, drink herbal tea before bed, yoga, power walks, dancing.
Mind: Write poetry, read 2 books a day, no social media except blogging, live in the moment, write a list of goals and how I plan to accomplish them.
Soul: Meditation, create a gratitude list, spend more time with family, more time outdoors in nature, journaling to avoid negative thoughts, write out positive affirmations.
In the first 3 days of my cleanse I felt more energized. My skin cleared up and my sleep improved. Writing poetry and reading books (analyzing too) about feminist criticism, theory or literature reminded that I am a creative and very educated woman. I admire these qualities and no one can take them away. Meditation and yoga helped me quiet my mind, enhance self awareness and control anxiety.
I am not the best at journaling so I would write a list of gratitude, love letters for friends, and new goals. A year ago I thought I would be getting ready to start a PhD at UCLA, UW or Arizona in the fall. I thought becoming a professor was the only thing I was capable of doing, which is not true. If I got rejected it was not because I wasn’t good enough but perhaps there is more in store for me.
I created my mantra: I am capable of much more than I think.
My biggest issue is focusing on what others are doing. Why should I care? I need to prioritize my mental health and how I am going to accomplish what I want for my life. Instead of scrolling through social media, I took that time to research the curriculum of the international universities I want to apply for. Specifically, I am interested in the M.A for International Relations. It’s exciting to think I could be going to school outside of the country. I just hope COVID doesn’t ruin things for me.
What I got out of my cleanse are more activities to add to my daily routine. Prior to this I didn’t want anyone to talk to me because I felt like a toxic person. I knew I needed to take a step back and make a few changes. Lastly, I learned what will be useful in the future when I am feeling sad, hopeless and chaotic.
Hope everyone is having a nice week!